Wherever the Road Leads

Why Athletes Can’t Get Real Jobs

Any Given Sunday

A number of years ago I went with a friend to a Buffalo Bills game at Rich Stadium in Orchard Park, New York. During the game, a vendor came by, a black guy, and whatever he was selling – hot dogs, cokes but most probably, beer – were $1.50 each. I bought two.

After handing us the beer, he consulted a chart that he had attached to his basket of product.

“That will be $3.00, please.”

I gave him the money then watched him sell three beers to someone else nearby. Once again, he consulted his chart and then asked his customer for $4.50. I probably rolled my eyes and muttered, ‘Lord, have mercy, that’s some fairly basic math.’

A woman sitting close by had been watching the vendor and watching me. After I rolled my eyes she commented, “At least he’s working.”

Good point, lady. I have never forgotten her statement or her point of view.

I wonder if any of these folks would qualify to sell beer at a Buffalo Bills game….

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
“I wan’ all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan’ all the kids to copulate me.”

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:
“I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the ‘Skin’s say:
“I’d run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,” Matt Millen of the Raiders said:
“To win, I’d run over Joe’s mom, too.”

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins:
“He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings.”

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann:
“Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”

6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh:
“I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.” (Now that is beautiful)

7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:
“You guys line up alphabetically by height.” And, “You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle.”

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson’s going to prison:
“Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton.”

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:
“That’s so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes.”

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota:
“He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is.”

11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice:
“My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.
(I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January.)

12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player:
“I asked him, ‘Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?’ and he said, ‘Coach, I don’t know, and I don’t care.'”

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A & M, recounting what he told a player who received four F’s and one D:
“Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.”

14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford:
“I can go to my left or to my right, I am amphibious.”

15. Former Houston Oilers coach Bum Phillips, when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, responded:
“Because she’s too ugly to kiss goodbye.”



  • 1 Beer: $1.50
  • 2 Beer: $3.00
  • 3 Beer: $4.50
  • 4 Beer: $6.00
  • 5 Beer: $7.50
  • 6 Beer: $9.00


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  1. elayne  March 5, 2015

    I love it.. I am always amazed how retail staff cannot figure out the change factor if you throw an extra $1 or exact change at them after they have punched in an amount. My bill was $26.08 which of course rounds to $26.10 here now.. The cashier had punched in the $40.00 I handed her and then I said ” I will give you the dime and a looney so I can get $15.00 back “. SHe looked dumbfounded and it took a while before she realised I wasn’t trying to mess with her. Of course not all staff have this issue but a good many younger ones do. If the power goes out and it has to be calculated by hand ( especially 13% tax ) it could be a disaster. lol


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