Wherever the Road Leads

My Golden Globe Awards:

“The Golden Airstreams”

Not long after I ordered the new fifth wheel trailer, the salesman called to say that the manufacturer was no longer including a 50″ television in the new pricing but I could purchase a 60″ television from the manufacturer for around $1100. He did mention that $1100 was the MSRP price and the net retail my be around $700. Also, it’s entirely possible that this television had the ability to run off 12 volt DC current, if regular 120 volt house current was not available. Still, that seemed like a lot to pay; I figured that I could easily do better on my own.

I’ve been wandering through the electronics department at Wal-Mart and Sam’s Club. Brand-name 50″ televisions appear to be available for $400 and up, depending upon the features. To me, fifty inches is huge. I currently watch a 30″ television in my little trailer and it’s plenty big enough to watch commercials on.

I took that ‘commercials’ thought a little further. What IS there on television these days? Upwards of twenty minutes out of each hour are commercials. Some nights my thumb gets cramped from pressing the mute button. What about the programs themselves? Near worthless. I can’t believe that singing contest is still on after all these years. Plus, I’ve never heard of the ‘judges’.

Social Justice is firmly entrenched in television these days. Crimes are solved, terrorist threats thwarted and News is read by the appropriate mixture of non-white, non-male, non-heterosexual persons representing the (apparently) three genders. Commercials now include mix-n-match couples and backyard chicken get-togethers that look like the United Nations.

I thought about what I watch. College football, PBS and the final wheel on Wheel of Fortune on the nights I call my mother so that we’ll have have something in common to start the conversation.

It is rumored that I download current-release movies. Allegedly I went looking for a movie to watch recently and couldn’t find anything worth wasting my time on. That may have been why I enjoyed, again, an old Lana Turner, the most beautiful woman in the history of mankind, movie from the fifties.

I really AM asking myself, “Why am I considering a 50″ television?”

Then tonight, lo and behold, the Golden Globe Awards. People patting themselves on the back for pretending to be someone else while spouting dialog written by someone else, squeezed between commercials. How hard can that be? Sign me up.

This year they are all dressed in black for one cause or another. The cause may be noble but I’m afraid I have to consider the source. Why should I heed the wishes of people paid a fortune to not be themselves? Would I take my dentist’s advice on changing my oil, or my mechanic’s? (Even though my dentist is a lot more fun to look at.)

In that regard, then, I have decided to nominate and award my own trophy, “The Golden Airstream”, to the various real people who live in my real world. Neither the nominees nor the winners are required to dress in any particular color. Anything that will keep you warm in this horrible, untypical, freezing Coastal Georgia weather will suffice.

Category Number One: The Best Blogger Award.

Being as all these award shows are nothing more than self-gratification, I’ll begin by being the first to pat myself on the back. By acclamation, the Golden Airstream Award for Best Blogger goes to : me. I shall try hard to be humble in my acceptance speech, he lied.

Category Number Two: The Best Fisherman Award.

The nominees are Sam Ballard because he fishes a lot, and Mike Messier because he caught a huge fish out of Lake Harmony. Don’t ask me what kind: I do my fishing at Kroger.

The winner is: Sam Ballard… because Sam lets me borrow his ladder when I need to climb on my roof.

Category Number Three: The Best Female Traveling Single With (a) Dog(s)

The nominees are Miss Mary, Miss Jessica, and Miss Elizabeth.

The Winner is: Miss Mary… because she has seniority. Miss Mary was with us last year and she came back again. Obviously I didn’t scare her off.

Category Number Four: The Best Female Traveling Single Without a Dog

The nominees are Miss Pam 2 and Miss Cynthia

The Winner is: Miss Pam 2… for the same reason as above, seniority. She knew me last year but still came back.

Category Number Five: The Best Dog Walker

The nominees include the above three ladies plus Mister Bob.

The winner is: Mister Bob… because he walks in all kinds of weather and often, for his own good health as well as his poodle mix, Squeak The Rascal.

Category Number Six: The Best New York State Summer Resident

The nominees: Miss Pam 1, Miss Karen and Mister Val.

The winner: Miss Pam 1. She needs to be recognized for being foolish enough – oops, did I say that out loud? – to return to the cold and snowy Buffalo area at Christmas time. She ain’t right.

Category Number Seven: The Best in the Field of Medicine

The winner by acclamation: Miss Dawne, a Para-Medic who has taught me a lot about medicine and every other topic under the sun during our two years of Workamping together. And because she brings in Tupelo when it’s cold and dark and I’m still working at Bi-Lo.

Category Number Eight: The Best Ferrner in the Park

The nominees: Me, originally from Canada and Miss Ceil, originally from England

The winner: Miss Ceil… because she baked me a cake and cookies at Christmas and because she and her husband, Scott, are Workampers in the Watertown New York area during the summer. That’s not important to the category, but impressed the judge (moi) as he was a Watertown New York area camper as a teenager.

Category Number Nine: Best Canopy Mechanics

The nominees are: Mister Bob, Mister Anthony and his wife, Miss Tracy

The winners: Mister Anthony and his wife, Miss Tracy. This was a tough one because Mister Bob helped me straighten my canopy earlier this season and the arms now retract properly. However, the award goes to Mister Anthony and Miss Tracy because they had faith during our recent ice-storm and got my canopy furled back up when I didn’t think it would go.

Category Number Ten: Most Outgoing Couple – With Me.

The nominees: Mister Mark and Miss Michelle, and Mister Mike and Miss Sue

The winners are: Mister Mike and Miss Sue. Miss Sue has the edge because she is a fellow Bi-Lo employee. Mister Mike is always willing to pitch in with anything mechanical and owns a breaker bar, which my water heater can’t function without.

 

Congratulations to both the nominees and the winners. And thank you for making my winter world as much fun as it is.

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Comments

  1. Mary  January 8, 2018

    You are a wonderful writer and I appreciate the award. Do we get a trophy? Check? Anything? I guess I’ll settle for a friend, then😊

    reply

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