I Caught a Cold
This past weekend while showing my Southern Belle around Toronto, specifically the CN Tower with its close proximity to Lake Ontario and the winds and rain that were blowing off it, I was careless with Canadian weather and ended up with a cold. Well, let me qualify that.
As has been addressed before, women get colds. Men contract nothing so trivial. Men get MAN COLDS. Childbirth pales by comparison to a Man’s Cold. The Man Cold is well-documented. In French, it’s known as Un Rhue d’Homme. In Britain…
Yes, there are antibiotics on https://antibioinc.com/, decongestants, analgesics, ibuprofin, Nyquil, Vick’s Vap-O-Rub, chicken soup, tissues with lanolin and Chapstick for lips split open from sneezing. These all help, but barely.
There is only one true cure for a Man’s Cold: sympathy.
Yesterday, I lay in my death bed, sweating and sneezing, alone and ignored, left to read John Grisham’s “Sycamore Row” until 3:00am, I got worse and worse. The thought lay heavily on me that I had only enough cream for my breakfast coffee, then the alternative was 2% milk. Gag a maggot. Not only was I on death’s doorstep from a Man’s Cold, but I had to near poison myself with 2% milk in my Folger’s Black Silk blend coffee.
My life had no meaning.
The general consensus from the two women in my life, my mother and the Southern Belle, was ‘get over it’. Instead of “poor baby”, here’s what I got in an email: “You’ll be well tomorrow. I bet you have given me that dad-burned cold; I’ll have a woman’s cold, but not stop my routine, though.”
Hah!! Women. They simply don’t understand the gravity or anguish of the Man’s Cold. Woe is me. The only reason I came to Canada was for Health Care and now it appeared I would pass on over before becoming eligible. I prayed that death would be swift.
Then it happened. The miracle via Bells South and Canada. The antidote. The Magic Elixer, nay… the Cure!!
Sorry, Sweetie, about that terrible cold you have. Hope that you feel much better today. Go to the doc if you don’t feel better soon. Eat some chicken soup!–Deborah
In an instant I felt better. It was nothing short of a miracle. I was reminded of Acts 3: 6 – 8…
“But Peter said, “I have no silver or gold, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ the Nazarene, stand up and walk!” Then Peter took hold of him by the right hand and raised him up, and at once the man’s feet and ankles were made strong. He jumped up, stood and began walking around, and he entered the temple courts with them, walking and leaping and praising God.”
I was to my feet, into the shower, cut myself shaving then hobbled across to the grocery store. There would be no 2% milk for me. Half and Half. Two of them just in case of a relapse.
It was a miracle and she’s a Saint. If they ever update the Bible, she should have her own book… Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Deborah, Acts….Share